Blogs galore

I kind of can't believe how many design blogs are out there. Maybe because I don't enjoy them. I think I feel inadequate when I read them.

I'm puzzled as to where these people (usually moms) come up with the time and money to do so many little projects or redecorate their house in a day or have the energy to "Do something really FUN! Like strip and revarnish the floors! Junior LOVES to help!" My sister will absolutely be that mom. She can do anything AND she really enjoys it AND it always looks amazing.

I admire their pictures and then I think, why can't I do that kind of stuff? And then I have to have a talk with myself and realize, I don't want to do that stuff. I'm not handy at all, nor do I have any plans on becoming handy. I can spackle with the best of them and I have my own shortcuts, like when someone in my house was installing new hardware in the bathroom and put a big hole in the wall, I fixed it for him, but what I fixed it with--I'll never tell. I can use a drill and a level and superglue. I can almost use a tape measure. I can change a battery or a lightbulb while standing on my tiptoes on top of a book on top of a ladder. I can definitely make little spots of beauty throughout our house that I enjoy and feel good about.

But if our floor needs redone, I like to pay someone else to do it. Or if I can ignore it, that will always be my first choice.

I do admire the pioneer women moms. If I could be someone else, I'd like to go in that direction. The ones who strive to make their lives completely eco-friendly and have the smallest of carbon footprints. I have one friend who is like that and she is beyond amazing.

I'm somewhere on the edge of a lot of things. I grow our food, but only in the summer. I don't can and I don't want to learn. I'm an organic gardner and I don't use herbicides or pesticides, which means half the time my flower beds and garden look like a jungle and the other half of the time I'm breaking my back pulling weeds. I tote around cloth bags. We follow Joni's words and have spots on our apples but leave us the birds and the bees. I recycle. I can whip-up a costume for my child for his school's nursery rhyme day. We mainly use one car and traded in our fancy one for a smaller fuel efficent model. All of the cleaning products in our house are eco-friendly, which means I spend a lot of time scrubbing harder, but not feeling guilty about using things that could make my kid or dog suffer. I only use cold water to wash clothes. If it's not in use, it's unplugged. I make everyone in the house crazy by insisting they put on another sweater or wrap up in a blanket to keep the thermostat low. We color on both sides of the paper. I make my own cards. I recycle printer cartridges and donate eyeglasses. I'm on the no junk mail and no catalog list. I've made the decision to not put Christmas lights outside this year to save electricity.

But on the other side of things, I can't sleep without air conditioning. I like clothes and bags and junk jewelry and my i-pod. I can't knit or sew, unless you count buttons and uneven hems. I don't make our food from scratch. I like fizzy water, which comes in cans or glass or plastic bottles. And I can't even believe I'm admitting this, but I DON'T COMPOST. I BUY my organic soil. I let my son practice his scissor skills on rolls of wrapping paper that I no longer like. Hell, I use wrapping paper! And I don't reuse it. I drink everything through straws and then I throw them away instead of washing and reusing them. I don't always buy free trade coffee because it's so damn expensive. I like to read fashion magazines. I believe advertisements that promise a mascara is going to change my life. Wow, this is very cathartic.

So, in closing, I'm not the person that I would like to be. But I also am not willing to put in the work to get to be that person. I wish I was a hippie pioneer woman, but despite my Birkenstocks and reusable bags and organic food, I'm lazy and I like useless stuff. And that's who I am. And for better or worse, I like myself the most I ever have and I'm the best version of me I've ever been. Maybe I'll become better one day. Maybe I won't.