11 years ago today

My now husband proposed to me in our apartment in Boston. I was cranky and sick and wearing pjs and a pair of his socks and getting ready to go to work. He was going to propose to me the night before in Little Italy after we had seen the Boston ballet perform The Nutcracker but he didn't count on the fact that I would be sick and out of it on cold medicine. It's a loooong story. But it's a story, alright. I'm sure lots of people have lovely engagement stories--us, not so much.

Although it was a complete surprise, as I had told him I would be happy to live together forever, but I never wanted to get married. You try having parents with 8 marriages between them and see if you think it's a viable institution. My mom is extremely anti-living together (Catholic roots)--can you say 3 months of not speaking to me? And she had the big accusing behind my back talk with Duke of "What are your intentions with my daughter? Why are you willing to live with her but not marry her?" My poor mom. She had to play good cop, bad cop all by herself and be dad and mom both. She felt both better and worse upon Duke's response that he wanted very much to marry me, but I didn't believe in marriage.

But the longer we were together, the more I did want to get married, I just never shared that with him. But as always, he knew. I have to give him alot of credit for helping me to break down all my defensive posturing and just loving me for the me he saw beneath my prickly tough act. He showed me it was okay to be me and that I didn't have to be on guard against everyone all of the time. He showed me it was okay to be silly and laugh and not be so uptight and not care so much about what people thought of me. He loved me unconditionally. He had no idealized version of me. He loved me;gigantic flaws and wack-o behavior didn't deter him in the least. Because seriously, I was a self-destructive train wreck and a half. And with Duke, I didn't have to be.

Happy engagement anniversary. You are my best everything.