I am losing my identity, my job and my almost daily connection with my friends. In two weeks, my only child starts kindergarten. And life as I know it will cease to exist.

     Sure, I’ll still be a mom. But it seems a little silly to be a stay-at-home mom when your child is busy elsewhere. Now that I have the hang of cramming cooking and cleaning into the tiny space right between Go Fish and drawing aliens, how am I to fill my days? I’ve taken the scenic route, career-wise, meandering through a myriad of nametags and overly bright smiles before finally graduating from college at the ripe old age of 31 and heading straight into Mommy world.

    And now that I’ve finally gotten the hang of this job, (wait for it…) the most fulfilling and challenging job I’ve ever done (and there’s that cliché. Oh please, you think I can hang with my son for five and a half years and not believe it’s the best job in the world?) and my employer is letting me go. Oh, sure, he feels that I’m a valuable member of the team. I’ve gotten awards, raises and the occasional bonus. But unfortunately, my services are no longer needed as they once were.

      Losing this job means that there’s really no need for me to haunt my usual hotspots: the park, the library, and the playground. I’ve developed deep friendships with amazing women over the past several years. But when they get-together for playgroup, I’ll be the only one not toting a kid along with my shared dish. So, other than the occasional ladies’ night out, where will I fit in?

     I’ve been having full-blown nightmares as of late. Generally, I’m trying to save my son from some unseen evil, but my guess would be that I’m trying to save me, as well. Save myself from the what-ifs of the future and the regrets of the past. How much time have I wasted over the past five and a half years wishing that I could have just ten minutes to myself? And now that I’m going to have those ten minutes and then some, how much do I wish I had just one more year of interrupted showers and a constant companion?

      I know that he’s only going to kindergarten. But it’s only the start of a lifetime of learning to let go.