If I titled my posts, which I do not, this one would be called Reality Television.

Except for this part where I implore you to watch Breaking Bad. There are very few television shows that are watchable and dare I say, awesome. One is Breaking Bad. One is Weeds. One is Mad Men. And one is 30 Rock.

And now I must say that I have never seen Dancing With the Used-to-Be and/or Almost Were and/or want to become Stars. But I will be tuning in this year. Why? Because Brenda will be on it. That's right BRENDA from Beverly Hills 90210, possibly the only show I know better than the back of my hand, the show that enables me to win trivia games in which I have no business even participating. Because I LOVED that show. I didn't love that show in the same way I worshipped at the altar of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's not like the writing was decent or the actors were talented or the costume department knew their stuff. But I loved it just the same. And any other BH90210 devotee out there is totally hoping Luke Perry will guest star as Brenda's dance partner only to be swept away by Jennie Garth to the strains of Sophie B Hawkins' "Damn I Wish I was Your Lover."

Also in the world of Reality TeeVee: Survivor is still on. Who knew? I saw the first season. I knew there was another season because that's how the chick with hate in her heart who doesn't believe children should be breastfed on demand got her job on the View. But wasn't that like 10 years ago? Anyway, it's on. And I'm hooked. I'm totally rooting for Tom because he's from Boston and seems like a such a good guy and he reminds me so much of our friend Tom from Boston that I jumped up and down last night when he was safe from elimination. (Yeah, no real excuses there--I was sober. I'm just apparently a big drip.)

Which brings me to The Real Housewives franchise. Goodness. I watched the Jersey season with a passion because it coincided with my mommy beach week and my friends and I would hustle those kids into bed, make chocolate chip cookies, pour some wine and watch the RH of NJ marathons, culminating in the table flipping episode. Outstanding. I started watching the New York season last year because we were visiting my in-laws and my mother-in-law was watching. The friendship between Jill and Bethenny seemed genuine and kind and so if the reruns were on, I watched it whilst folding laundry and doing dishes. (Don't be jealous of my glamorous life. It's just like Sheila E was singing about. )

HOWEVER. Today I saw the season 3(?) opener, and all heck has broken lose. It looks like it' s up to me to put things in order.

We won't concentrate on LuAnne or Ramona because they are delusional. We won't concentrate on Kelly because she is not only delusional , but God help her, I truly hope she's on drugs, because if she isn't, she is too stupid to be allowed to tie her own shoes.

But Bethenny and Jill...they've had a falling out. And geez louise ladies, hello! We can all see why. Last year, Bethenny was a single person who was extremely close to Jill and her family. This year, Bethenny has a boyfriend. And not just any old boyfriend: an he's-the-one-I'm-dropping-everyone-who-isn't-him-please-let me-work-his-name-into-every-conversation-I-live-or-breathe-all-things-boyfriend. Annoying under any circumstances. She should have gotten this out of her system in 7th grade, but maybe she's a late bloomer. And Jill feels left out. And Bethenny feels like Jill isn't her boyfriend, so she doesn't really exist anymore. So, I would just like to put this out there: give this a year, maybe a bit more and when Bethenny comes up for air and stops being selfish and all the sudden wants to hang with someone who isn't her boyfriend, if Jill is willing to overlook this and remember what it was like to be 17 and have your first love; I think these two crazy gals can work it out. Because I really do like them both(seeing as how I know them from TV and all). But right now Bethenny is being a little wonk wonk and Jill is being a little what the what. Hang in there, my women! Friends are life's battery rechargers!

And yes, I am available for hire should the network need me to get them back on track.