Movie Review Monday on Wednesday

I did not like Marley & Me , Sam I am. I love dogs. I like Jennifer Aniston. I like Owen Wilson. I did not get the hoopla over this movie.

The main problem was THERE WAS NO PLOT. There was no actual story being unfolded. It was not the tale of a marriage. It was not the tale of a boy and his dog. So in order to make up for the whole lack of reason to make this movie, the viewer is made to watch two bumbling idiots who have no business being a dog's human pals. Who fail on their whole use of birth control, not once, but twice. Who somehow manage to buy a crazy five or six million dollar estate outside of Philadelphia on a reporter's salary where it is ALWAYS fall. Except for one perfect snowy day. And then it's fall again. And then there's a montage of scenes with the 72 yellow labs who look nothing like each other that played Marley. Yep, that about sums it up.

That whole adage of there are no bad dogs, only bad owners? Yeah, I buy into that. I'm sure that there are cases where genetics prevail and there are canines who have dismal personalities. In fact, I have lived with a couple. Mookie, I'm thinking of you. But for the most part, if a dog is a jerk, it's because its people aren't giving it what it needs.

Dogs can be trained. Dogs want to be a part of the pack. It is not always easy. It takes time and endless repetition. Dogs need exercise. Dogs need consistency. Dogs need proper outlets for their desire to chew. Dogs need attention and stimulation. I do not have a perfect dog. She isn't one of those amazing creatures who does my bidding at the smallest twitch of my pinkie or who knows to never leave my side. She is convinced the UPS man is a serial killer that only she can outwit. She has a thyroid condition and more allergies than I. She has a weak bladder. She like to roll in dead stuff. She likes to bark and is in constant fight or flight mode.

However, she is a truly great dog. We very rarely have to kennel her because she is so well-behaved that she is welcome in everyone's home. She is housebroken (and we make certain to take her out like clockwork). She does not jump on the furniture (and we always bring her bed with us wherever we go). She does not chew inappropriate items (and we always have a nylabone on hand for her to gnaw). She comes when she is called and knows to sit, stay, shake, roll over and play dead (and that took two separate rounds of training sessions with a trainer--Puppy Kindergarten and Basic Manners-- and 30 minutes of practice time per day for weeks on end). She is gentle with children(and we make damn sure children are respectful of her). She doesn't get bored and trash the house (and we make sure she has daily exercise). She doesn't snatch food from the table or beg when we eat(and we never feed her table scraps.) Honest, I do have an actual point.

None of these are occurrences that happen in Marley & Me. The dog is a terror. Because its humans are sucky dog friends. And what's more, no other sides to the dog are shown. There are a couple mentions and/or scenes where the dog has his head in a human lap, but there is nothing given to the viewer to find the dog endearing despite its lack of training.

I may be the only person who saw this movie and didn't find it heartwrenching. Yes, I cried A LITTLE. But I also cry if someone flashes their lights at me on the road to warn me of a speedtrap. The fact that I shed only three stingy tears is proof that the movie was a dud. The End.