August 13

*In case you missed my previous musings on the subject, I am headed to Italy for the third time. In my previous visits, I've seen the must-see and off-the-beaten-path sights, hit the major cities, did the museums, etc, etc, etc and even ate at the places recommended in The Lonely Planet. This trip was all about just enjoying Italy and NOT feeling compelled to make the trip enlightening or educational in any way. The plan for this trip was just to be.

First leg of Italian journey has begun. My bag only weighed 32 pounds. Must be a record for me as I usually either pay a fine for going over or am forced at the last minute to try and frantically cram shoes and books into Duke's bag. Wicked tired. Was awake from 2-4 in the morning and up at 6:30. Hopefully this will translate into sleeping soundly throughout the transatlantic portion of the flight. Mort told me that he bets God and Jesus can run as fast as the speed of light. I'm trying to recall how to say "please", "thank-you" and "you're welcome." Going to read Sookie Stackhouse. No real Italians on this flight. You can always tell because their clothes just fit a bit differently than ours. In a better way.

Okay, lady. I've flown with a kid too. It is what it is. What I don't do is proactively go over all the terrible things that could possibly ever happen on a plane with my child. I'm not talking about explaining what to do in an emergency in response to a kid's query while the flight attendant reviews the emergency procedures. I'm talking about a mom who is just causally running through things that might happen: the plane might catch on fire and they (the kid and mom) would be engulfed in flames; the plane might run out of gas and crash to the ground; the plane might lose an engine and fall from the sky. And then ending that bit of cheeriness is the mom's admonishment, "Miranda! Put your shoes back on. The floor is all dirty." Maybe the nice cleansing plane fire will take care of all that dirt.

I'm a grown-up and that mom has me scared out of my mind. I'd better ask her what I should do if everyone is sleeping and there's lighting and I look out the window and see a demon ripping apart the airplane and no one will believe me. (Old Twilight Zone episode.)

Surprisingly, Miranda is now freaking out as the plane taxis down the runway. And she has spilled her juice. And her mom has made the announcement that if Miranda closes the window shade, mom is "going to throw up all over the place." This may be a very long flight.

I thought it was currently 1:30, but now I've just discovered Chicago is an hour behind the east coast and it's really only 12:30. How did I not know that? Do other people know these things? Of course they do. But do they know when it's appropriate to use an apostrophe with an "s?" No, no they do not.

And also, I know that the body of water near Chicago isn't an ocean, unlike that dumb-ass Miranda in the seat behind me who keeps yelling, "Look at the ocean!" It's a freaking lake, kid. Why don't you look at a damn map? See how I'm so much smarter than a 4 year old?